Glossy
by fbeauchamphartz
Summary: Kurt goes to a plastic surgeon to make some big changes and Sebastian shows up to talk him out of it. Blaine friendly. Warning for mention of Blaine, angst, anxiety, depression, mention of infidelity, talk about cosmetic surgery (nothing specific), emotional hurt/comfort, romance, futurefic. Kurt H. Sebastian S.


**A/N:** _**Okay. This is based off a very specific anon prompt for the numbers AU #7 "I almost lost you" - Can you please write a one-shot where Kurt hates something about himself and Sebastian says that line? I have a feeling anon wanted something different, but this is what I came up with. Just a note - neither Kurt nor Sebastian are perfect. Their thought processes are flawed, their wants are flawed. I'm not saying that either person's argument is a good one, but the point of this is that Sebastian loves Kurt, and more than anything he wants to help him.**_

Kurt perused the vividly colorful – almost headache inducing - brochure that the chipper 20-something receptionist handed him when he walked into the doctor's office.

"We _just_ got these in. I opened them this morning. They're brand spanking new," she had said, thrusting the stiff booklet at him, vibrating in her seat like a Chihuahua as if these brand-new brochures were the most exciting thing to happen in her entire life.

_Someone is definitely drinking the Kool-Aid_, Kurt thought, but then he realized so had he if he was there, considering what he was considering.

No. Not considering. He was definitely going through with it.

Well, 85%, but that statistic was climbing every minute.

He looked at the brochure.

It certainly was brand spanking new, shiny and glossy, positively reflective.

That's what Kurt wanted to be.

Glossy.

Shiny.

_New_.

He had tried losing weight, gaining weight, working out, but it didn't help. He still looked like the old Kurt, but in a slightly different package. Kurt had given it a lot of thought and he came to the conclusion that in order to be happy, be confident, he needed to become a whole different person. That was when he stumbled across the website of Dr. Earnest Craigs, a leading specialist in the field of full-body cosmetic reconstruction. Kurt read everything on his site from top to bottom, verified his references, checked his background for medical malpractice, and after weeks of research, he decided this man was legit. The procedures Dr. Craigs offered – tucks, lifts, injections, full facial re-sculpturing – might seem extreme, but they would give Kurt what he wanted.

At least, he hoped.

Of course, most people don't plan on doing the multitude of surgeries that Kurt was, but he needed this. He wanted to be reborn, and he couldn't wait to get started. Nerves had started to eat at him - his stomach rolled and his head pounded - but he didn't want anything to change his mind.

Kurt checked his watch compulsively over the course of forty minutes as he waited for his consultation. There was no one else in the waiting room so he couldn't imagine what could be taking so long. Kurt never liked doctors' offices, and it wasn't because of his mom's bout with cancer or his dad's constant health debacles. It was because lives change in doctor's offices, permanently, sometimes painfully. He knew this was the road he was signing up for, but that didn't mean he was thrilled with what he had to go through to get there.

Kurt remembered when one of the women in his Intro to Theater Class decided to have her septum realigned – the black eye she had, the swollen nose, the heavy medications that she claimed barely relieved the pain so she could sleep at night. And he was looking to do basically that all over his body. He tried to find the up side, pictured himself with a fuller nose, sharper cheekbones, a smaller chin, but that image wouldn't come in to focus, and the glimpses he got of it didn't fill him with any kind of relief.

Well, the doctor would help him see that image better, Kurt reassured himself. He'd take Kurt's picture, Photoshop it, and show him all the possibilities.

Kurt checked his watch again when a ruckus from out in the hallway made him roll his eyes.

Here came the Calvary.

"Kurt!"

Kurt didn't jump when he heard Sebastian's brusque voice calling out for him. He would have been surprised if Sebastian _hadn't_ tracked him down. Kurt wasn't sure that's what he wanted, but he expected it. Even breaking up with Sebastian didn't keep him away. But regardless of what Sebastian thought, Kurt wasn't doing this for attention, and he wasn't looking for someone to save him. It _would_ be nice if someone understood, though.

"Kurt!" Sebastian yelled, his voice getting louder. "Kurt Hummel!"

"Please, sir," Kurt heard another voice intervene. "We can't have you yelling up and down the hallway…"

"Kurt!"

"Sir! I'm going to call security if you don't…"

"KURT!"

The receptionist behind the counter with the shiny, new brochures glared at Kurt when she put two-and-two together. Kurt shrugged with an apologetic smile and sighed. He stood from his seat and opened the door. Not far from the office stood Sebastian, looking over the head of a petite blonde woman in scrubs, blocking his way, hands up in an attempt to get Sebastian to quiet down.

"I'm in here," Kurt called.

Sebastian's eyes and the woman's head snapped immediately in Kurt's direction, both shocked that Kurt had actually appeared.

"Jesus, Kurt," Sebastian said, pushing past the woman in front of him as if she wasn't even there. "You could have told me what office you were in. This place is a fucking maze."

"Why?" Kurt asked, stepping aside to let Sebastian by. The woman in the hall started saying something along the lines of, "Keep him quiet or else…" but Sebastian shut the door, cutting her off mid-speech. "I didn't tell you where I was going to begin with."

Sebastian made a dismissive noise and dropped down in a chair. He winked at the disgruntled receptionist, which changed her mood immensely.

"How did you know I was here anyway?" Kurt asked, taking the seat next to him.

"Blaine called me. Told me he thought you'd be here. Says you've been moody, looking at websites for cosmetic surgery since the day you moved in."

Kurt bit his lip. _Fucking_ _Blaine_.

"Well, he is kind of a lurker," Kurt said, staring down again at the brochure in his hands, keeping his mind locked on what he really wanted, what he was aiming for, how he might look when they took the bandages off and he finally healed.

That's what this was – healing.

"Why didn't you tell me about this?" Sebastian asked, taking the brochure and flipping through the rigid pages.

"I did," Kurt said with a dry laugh. "Numerous times."

"I mean, why didn't you tell me you'd decided to go through with it? I could have driven you…been here to hold your hand…"

Kurt didn't answer. He _had_ given that some thought, but he was more than sure Sebastian would try to change his mind. Besides, they weren't together anymore. It wasn't Sebastian's responsibility to hold his hand.

"Is this because you're turning thirty?" Sebastian asked, prodding Kurt a bit. "I told you, you're aging really well, babe. You're going to be a super-hot older guy."

"No, it's not that," Kurt said, "and frankly, I couldn't care less what you think of the way I look."

"Really?" Sebastian asked, flicking the brochure with a loud _thwap_. "Is that why you're sitting in the lobby of a plastic surgeon's office? Because you don't care about the way you look?"

"That's right," Kurt said, taking the brochure and sliding it protectively into his front breast pocket. "I don't care if you don't believe me."

"No, I believe you," Sebastian said with a laugh that annoyed Kurt. He didn't like being patronized. "But why then? Why under the knife?"

"I've explained this to you already," Kurt said, facing away, but Sebastian simply stood up and moved to the seat on the other side of Kurt to stay in his eye-line.

"Explain it again," Sebastian said.

Kurt groaned. What a ridiculous scene they were making. Why couldn't Sebastian mind his own business and leave him alone?

"I'm done looking at myself and seeing scars," Kurt said, low and through gritted teeth. "I'm done seeing a boy who's been bullied, attacked, lied to, cheated on…"

Sebastian reached for Kurt's hand but Kurt moved it away.

"That's not all you are," Sebastian said.

"Really? Because I can't seem to shake it, no matter how hard I try," Kurt countered.

"Well, maybe it would help if you stopped hanging out with guys who cheated on you," Sebastian accused.

Kurt looked at the floor. He knew that Sebastian didn't appreciate it when Kurt decided to room with Blaine, but Sebastian had no reason to sound so self-righteous.

"You cheated on me, too, you know."

Sebastian's angry expression softened. He figured Kurt would bring that up, and he had every reason. Sebastian's cheating wasn't physical. Kurt could have forgiven that. _That_ had happened once before, when they first started dating, before they decided that things between them were serious. Kurt had let it go without much of an argument.

He told Sebastian that he had expected it.

That pretty much slapped Sebastian in the face, and he never strayed again.

No, what Sebastian did was worse in Kurt's eyes.

He had confided in someone outside their relationship…about their intimate problems.

Funny enough, it was to the same man Sebastian had cheated with before, but this time, all they did was talk. The man (Simon, or something like that) had actually given Sebastian some good advice. He told Sebastian to be there for Kurt, make himself available when Kurt needed to talk, hold Kurt when he needed to be held, take it when Kurt needed to scream.

Kurt wouldn't have known about their lunch date if Sebastian hadn't blown a tire in the parking lot of the restaurant and Simon hadn't driven him back to his penthouse. Kurt caught them hugging on the sidewalk, and when Kurt asked Sebastian about it, Sebastian refused to lie.

After three days straight of fights and arguments, Kurt left.

"Yeah, I did," Sebastian admitted, "and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't regret it, Kurt. I almost lost you…"

Kurt shot Sebastian a look.

"_More_ than I did," Sebastian clarified. "But I couldn't handle this at first. I couldn't handle these changes you've been going through, and I needed some advice."

"We could have gone to counseling," Kurt said, repeating in a calm voice the same things he had yelled at Sebastian before. "We could have gone together."

Sebastian dropped his head. "I know that now."

Kurt went back to staring at the floor, grinding his teeth, coming up with something to say, some new way to win this same argument.

"Look, you can do what you want with your body," Sebastian said, taking Kurt's hands…Kurt letting him take them. "I'll support you one hundred percent. But call me selfish - I don't want you to be different. I don't want who you are to go away." Kurt's eyes moved from the floor to their hands, still chewing on something he wanted to say. "Besides, not all the scars are bad ones," Sebastian continued since he had Kurt's attention. "Remember this one…" He put a hand on Kurt's knee and squeezed, "from the first time we broke the bed?"

Kurt's lips twitched; he didn't let himself smile, though he had to admit that was an _amazing_ night.

"And this one…" Sebastian put a hand over Kurt's left hand where the shadow of a scar could barely be seen across his knuckles, "from the _second_ time we broke the bed?"

Kurt shook his head. It would be easy to numb himself to Sebastian's arguments if they were all going to be about times they had sex.

"This one…" Sebastian rested his cheek on Kurt's shoulder, over a spot that Kurt favored when the weather got cold, "from that last locker check Karofsky gave you your junior year of high school."

"Why would I want to keep that?" Kurt scoffed, shrugging Sebastian off.

"Because that's what drove you to Dalton where you met Blaine…and me."

Kurt scoffed again, but not as strongly.

"Or this one?" Sebastian asked, gently kissing a spot on Kurt's neck where only the slightest discoloration of skin indicated any kind of bruise. "Where you hurt yourself making cookies with your mom when you were five?"

Kurt's stomach flipped. He didn't think that Sebastian would remember.

"What…what does any of this matter?" Kurt asked, turning his body away from the man trying to lure Kurt from this decision that was already hard for him to make.

"Because we're not talking about one scar, or your nose, or your cheekbones, Kurt," Sebastian said, switching seats again to face him. "You want to get rid of everything. All these things you're trying to erase are the road maps of the life you've lived - not just the bad stuff that happened, but the good, and the people you met. Your mom's lips and your dad's forehead. Your friends at McKinley, and Blaine…and me…"

"Kurt Hummel?" A nurse peeking out from behind another door called his name into the waiting room. "Dr. Craigs will see you now."

"Kurt…" Sebastian grabbed Kurt's hands and held them tight, "these surgeries aren't going to fix the hurt. You'll always have the memories of that pain, no matter what you look like on the outside. You're putting your life at risk for this, but is it really worth it? Do you hate yourself that much?"

Kurt couldn't answer. He didn't hate his looks, he didn't hate himself. He hated all the bad decisions he had made, all the awful things that had happened to him in the past. He wanted to stop being _him, _because someone different might not have let themselves get used, get taken advantage of.

Someone different might have fought the same battles and _won_.

"I know you want something different," Sebastian hurried, watching the nurse walk over to the receptionist, feeling both their eyes on them. "You want something new. Give me one more chance to make this up to you, for us to be new and different together. And if I can't, I'll bring you back here and you can sign up for whatever you want. I'll even pay for it, as long as it makes you happy."

"Kurt Hummel?"

Kurt looked from Sebastian's pleading eyes over to the nurse smiling at him, then back to Sebastian. He was overwhelmed; he had no idea what to do. When he had gotten to the doctor's office, everything had been so clear, but now Sebastian was making things difficult.

He _excelled_ at making things difficult.

"Please, Kurt," Sebastian begged. "Let me try."

"Mr. Hummel?"

"I…" Kurt looked at the nurse, her smile a little less bright as Kurt kept her waiting, everything about this place less bright and inviting. Sebastian represented everything he was trying to run away from – his old life, his old pain - but even if it was ugly sometimes, he was comfortable there. At times, he was happy. If something needed to change, maybe it wasn't him. "I think…I need a little more time," Kurt said. He looked quickly at Sebastian before he felt too victorious. "That goes for you, too."

"I understand," Sebastian said, standing when Kurt stood, walking ahead of him to hold open the door.

Kurt didn't smile at Sebastian, but he saw Sebastian's smile in his eyes. Sebastian didn't win this battle. Kurt still didn't know what he should do.

But when Sebastian took a moment to glance down the hallway (probably for the militant woman in the scrubs who had dogged him up there) Kurt pulled the glossy brochure from his jacket pocket and left it behind.


End file.
